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We were talking about Islam not allowing
breaking any relationship as it is a communal religion and not
individualistic so it encourages togetherness. Marriage is a
bond in which new relations are to be made and the old ones have
to be kept intact. The new relations built will be with the
in-laws. Here one may think that the brothers and sisters in
law are not like real brothers and sisters. For such very
reason all the relations are asked to be kept in Islam. To take
revenge is human, so it will not be expected that if you insult
somebody's parents, brothers or sisters and the person will
forgive you in return. Such an initiation of insults can bring
about a chain reaction and you may get entangled in it, so it is
better for you to respect each other’s relatives. One cannot
instill respect by force and it has to come from heart. Islam
does not allow you to use force in such matters.
The peace at home will only come from love
and respect for each other and this will be required to raise
your children in a healthy environment. Just imagine if the
husband and wife start insulting each other’s relatives, would
they and their relatives gain respect from the children.
Let me tell you another story at this
juncture, which will illustrate to you how the children learn
from their elders. One man admitted his aging father into a
long-term care center. At the occasion of Eid, he gave his son
two pairs of clothing to take to his grandfather. When he came
back the dad asked him if he had given the clothes to his
grandfather. The son told him that yes, but he has given only
one pair to his grand father. His father asked him, why only
one. The son replied that "I will keep the other one for you
dad till you gets old and is put in the long term care center
and then I will take it to you at Eid." The man saw the logic
and went to the center and brought his father home.
This is precisely why there is the proverb
that “you will reap what you sow”. However, such lessons are
only for the ones who reflect. Quran has always addressed to the
ones who have wisdom. A wise person is the one who can see
through the future. Some times, these days, we cannot recognize
our own kith and kin because of breaking relations with them.
May Allah give us courage to fulfill our responsibilities and
keep our relations
Allah has also told us to uphold rights of
and benevolence to our parents. This includes all the usual
ways and traditions of showing respect to them. Not only that,
Allah also says that, “obey your parents unequivocally”. In
this matter Islam does not distinguish even between Muslim and
non-Muslim.
However, you do not have to obey your
parents for non-Islamic matters. As you would notice that the
word parents is used meaning that in this matter Islam does not
distinguish among real, adopted and in-law parents. So the
above teachings of Islam will apply to all these kinds of
parents.
Let us now see how the prophet (pubh)
treated his in-laws. Various Hadiths tell us that he treated
them with kindness and love. Abdullah (RA)bin Zubair was a
nephew of Aisha(prophet’s wife (RA), but was raised under
prophet’s (pubh) guidance like a son. Halima (RA) was his
Radaii (feeding milk) mother, yet, he {pubh) respected her all
his life. In spite of Halima being paid in full for her
services, as was the custom in Arabia at that time, he (pubh)
respected her all the same. In Islam it is strictly prohibited
to raise your voice or scold your parents be they real or not or
whether you like or not what they are saying.
In particular, respect for the mother was
stressed by the prophet (pbuh) three times in one saying and
that should tell us how much he cared for this. In the matter
of this respect for parents there is no distinction between the
genders of children. According to our culture, parents are
supposed to stay with a son and not with daughter; however Islam
does not make this distinction. |
