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We were talking about the oath of firm
commitment at your marriage and this commitment is the bases for
your successful marriage. Even a minor commitment is sacred
while here we are talking about firm commitment that we made to
Allah that has to be adhered to all our life.
Third thing that was part of the marriage
sermon is about your treatment of relatives. What does this
have to do with marriage? And why should we be judged about it
on the Day of Judgment? As I said before, by marriage new
relations are being established and some of the old relations
may become vulnerable. The new relations that you establish
would be with your in-laws. The old relations that may become
vulnerable are your parents, brothers and sisters etc as you
may become negligent to these because of your new
responsibilities in marriage.
In our society we are quick to break our
relations sometimes for minor things and in doing that we forget
that ALLAH gave these relations to us. Can we break these by
ourselves? In this matter even the most pious tend to go astray
and think that only praying and fasting is enough and the
responsibilities that are given to them by Allah and His prophet
(pubh) take the back seat. Allah says, “Enter Islam
whole-heartedly”. After breaking relations that were given to
us and the irony is that we do that for years and at times for
the whole life.
Islam does not allow anyone to break
relations with anyone for more than three days and both parties
are obligated to initiate reconciliation on their own. These
three days, in my opinion, may be allowed to cool down the
tempers. When sentimental, people lose their rationality and
the conflict may get exaggerated so it is advised, in the event
you are angry, to sit down or have a glass of water and then
take decisions. I have seen a good tradition in Saudi Arabia
that both the parties in argument, any one start reciting the
Darood Sharif. After cooling down at that moment of conflict
they both go their own ways.
According to Quran we are not considered to
be the pious ones until we take guidance from Allah and His
prophet (pubh).
We have turned the institute of matrimony
into a business. First of all we want to know the education
level of the girl whether she is a doctor, pharmacist or
engineer etc, so that she could earn more money for the family.
The nature and character of the spouse is the least of the
consideration when choosing a bride. External beauty is the
other major consideration and it is a common observation that
the most beautiful bride is sought out even for an undeserving
man. Even the mothers go for this priority forgetting that they
themselves have daughters that would need to be married. By
following wrong customs they forget that they will have to go
through this path sooner or later. Apart from the above
considerations comes the matter of Dowry and selections comes to
be based on from which family they will get more material things
and which family is of higher status. Even when a girl of close
but poor relatives is suitable, she is ignored. In Islam
marriage in close relatives is preferred. We ignore the Islamic
teachings just to please ourselves. Whatever the bride brings
with her, or earns, you don’t have any right to that. All these
false considerations result in many of the girls remaining
unmarried and may have to get married to some old man after
waiting for long time due to greed of her family. What I don’t
understand is that how will they stand at the Day of Judgment.
They still want to be called Muslims.
When the girl is the only support for her
family, even then this should not be a hindrance in marriage as
what she earns belongs to her and she may still help her
parent’s family but only if her husband and in-laws are
understanding of religion and God fearing people. Further to
all this come the disagreements for the amount of Mehr and
sometimes the bridegroom goes back without marriage if he is not
happy with it. In our society most of the people don’t have any
intention to pay this Mehr and in that case the status of the
marriage is obvious. According to Hadith "everything depends on
your intention". A big Mehr is usually set to keep the son in
law under thumb or as is the custom of that family. In both
cases it is a useless approach as without paying the Mehr the
relation with wife is not permissible and if it is beyond the
capacity of the husband the court will decreased it according
his ability, or the whole married life will become a hell. |
