We were discussing that we ask our wives to
do things that are not required of them, and we would resent if
we had to do those things ourselves. We have borrowed these
things from some non-Muslims. Things such as touching other’s
feet and sense of superiority to others. We do not find any
such examples in the life of the prophet (pubh). He did the
same things as he expected from others rather more so. You must
remember the time when he (pubh) was involved in the digging of
ditches preparations for the Battle of the Ditch (Khundak). He
carried rocks along with other people. His companions were very
hungry so they tied stone to their stomachs so that they will
feel less hunger. At that time, the prophet being hungry too,
he (pubh) tied two stones to his stomach. Such is the example
of commendable human behavior and look at the leaders we have
now. How can we expect the same results as were at the time of
the prophet (pbuh). Our prophet (pbuh) not only upheld human
rights, he took care of the animal rights too. Here, in the
case of your wife, you can only ask for what she is expected to
do and only what she willingly accepts. Not only that, you
should commend her for doing extra things to help you out. Here
we should also consider her difference in bodily makeup, because
each month she has to face a time when she is not at her best
and gets head aches, body aches, or weakened memory. This is
the reason why two women’s witness is required so that if one
forgets the other one can remind her. It is explained in quran
as "if one forgets then the other will remind her". Enemies of
Islam, to be derogatory to women, misconstrued this reason.
Here I will bring up another allegation of
the enemies of Islam that, why does a woman has half a share in
inheritance? This is not derogatory to women; instead there is
rationality to it. Since the women are not expected to earn,
and if they do the man has no right to her earning and at the
same time he has to take care of all the monetary requirements
of the family. Thus it is not surprising that he is given more
in inheritance. We must remember that the Islam gave equality
to women over 1400 years ago, while in other cultures, she was
not even asked when decisions were made about her. Duels were
fought for women and their right to vote was accepted only about
60 years ago. In Islamic history a women (Aisha RA) lead 40
thousand soldiers ( mostly companions of prophet (pubh)) in the
Battle of Jamal and none of the men objected to that.
In all this discussion, my objective was to
say that when we are dealing with somebody we need to know the
sensitivity and habits of the person otherwise it would cause
difficulties. No two individuals are alike; moreover, here we
are dealing with the opposite sex. We cannot base our dealings
on guesses because it is possible that the other person may not
have the same qualities that you have. The Quran says, “A person
may not have all the good qualities, however in spite of all the
bad qualities there may be some qualities which may be good for
you only.
Here a story may not be out of place.
Somebody had heard the fame of an old respectable man so he went
to see him. After a long journey he went to the man’s house.
After knocking at the door he called for the person by name and
asked if the Sheikh was at home. His wife heard the voice and
replied, “Who the hell do you call Sheikh?” and bad mouthed
about her husband. At this he asked the lady if she knew where
he had gone because he did want to meet him after this long
journey. At this the lady again bad mouthed her husband and
told the man that he has gone to jungle to collect firewood.
When he went towards the jungle he saw that the old man is
walking behind a lion that is carrying the man’s firewood on his
back. So he told the old man what had happened at his home and
asked him what the reason that his wife scolded him was, but
here a lion is obediently carrying his firewood. The old man
said that ALLAH has blessed him with lion as a reward for his
treatment by his wife and his pacien patience ( sabr). The
moral of the story is that live the life as best as you can and
Allah may reward you for this patience. You being the head of
the house carries more burden on your shoulders and will be
asked about fulfillment of your responsibilities while, for the
same reason, your wife may not be answerable to these.
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