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In the previous chapters we talked about
the role of women, which may seem that again I am giving my
advice to the women only. As a matter of fact one woman asked
me, does every responsibility fall on us women only and men have
no role? I must say that this is not the first time women had
this complaint. During prophet’s (pubh) time Hazrat Aisha (RA)
and some of her companions did say that all of Qur’an is full of
role of men and we seem to be left out. After that, Allah made
it clear that women have the same rights as the men and the only
superiority is due to piety. Allah revealed many verses in this
regard. We cannot debate about this; however the worldly
customs have brought in many wrong notions, such as women have
lesser intelligence etc. Enemies of Islam took advantage of the
teachings of Islam such as the evidence of a woman has half
significance as a man’s so they have half the status as compared
to men, or that they should have half of the property in the
inheritance. These are all baseless allegations, which I would
explain later on.
For the time being I must say that I talked
more about role of the women than of men because in any society
women are the more significant factor then men. Without women
the Islamic society cannot develop and this was the reason that
the prophet (pubh) said that, “paradise lies under the feet of
mother”. In another saying, he (pubh) said that, “mother
deserves the most respect and better treatment than others” and
he (pubh) repeated this three times and the fourth time he (pubh)
said that about the father.
I personally know of two women whose
husbands were communists, one of them went along with her
husband’s way of thinking and lost her children and herself to
this. However the other women kept her Islamic ways and saved
herself and her children from going astray and finally her
husband saw the light too. Allah has given the women such a
power of persuasion that at the appropriate time they can
persuade the husbands to follow their wishes for jewelry and
clothes etc. In the same way they can also persuade them to
lead a pious life with persistence.
Let us now come back to the line of thought
that we were carrying. My emphasis was that in Islamic way of
life following a leader is very important. However he should be
just and his following should be for the good deeds and not for
the wrongdoing. So if the man of the house is given the role of
a leader then he should be bound to be just for his followers.
Allah says that, “cooperate with each other for the good and not
for the bad”. In Islam true superiority is with Allah under
whose guidance both husband and wife have agreed to live. This
bond will exist only until you accept Allah’s superiority. If
one of you does not abide by this then the other one is not
obligated to follow, because the whole basis of togetherness
will end otherwise. For example if a person leaves a country
then that country’s laws do not apply on him, or he becomes
rebellious and does not accept the superiority of the leader
then he would become liable for punishment and rest of the
population would not cooperate with him. The matter of
matrimonial contract between husband and wife is a contract
under the laws of Islam so it has all the implications, which
become obligatory after accepting Islam with recitation of
complete Kalima. First part is la,ilaha illilah and then Mohmmad
rasool allah(PUBH). To believe the whole Kalima is a must. We
ourselves have not seen Allah and are told about Him through our
prophet (pubh). We have to look at what prophet (PUBH) says
because he (PUBH) was embodiment of Qur’an. Allah says, “He
(prophet PUBH) only tells you what I order”. Nobody else has
this distinction. Allah says, “His (pubh) actions are my
actions”.
After this explanation let us then see how
the prophet’s (PUBH) married life was like. If you really want
to know about this in detail then read Hadith and follow these.
Here too our prophet (PUBH) has a distinction over others in
that it was his wife Khadija (RA) who accepted Islam first of
all. This is a big distinction as most of the wives seldom
accept the superiority of their husbands. We know about wives
of Noah (PUBH) and Lot (PUBH) and these are not mere stories as
it is written in Quar’an. Khadija (RA) only accepted his (PUBH)
prophethood as his (pubh) whole married life was in front of her
and it was her confidence in him (pubh), which was built over a
number of years, that she accepted Islam readily. Not only did
she accept Islam first of all but also consoled him (pubh) by
saying, “I have always found you truthful and honest so do not
worry, I am with you, Allah will not leave you alone”. She
sacrificed all her wealth for the Prophet (pubh) and Islam. She
put herself and her daughters at risk and saw her two daughters
getting divorced because of this, but did not lose heart. She
knew that her husband always won her confidence. Although she
had such a difference in their ages and she had seen her
previous husband and could compare their natures. It was not
easy to accept Islam against the wishes of her community. This
unique distinction of her was because of the prophet’s (PUBH)
own character.
How do you gain such a confidence? Here we
need to pause and think. Here is a lesson for some of us who
pretend to follow the prophet (PUBH) but lag behind in
practice. To understand this we need to contemplate on when he
(PUBH) says “Best of all people is the one who is good with his
family, and I am the best with my family”. This is the best
representation of the husband as the just head of the family.
The prophet (pubh) confided in his wife first of all and then he
told his best friend Abu Bakr (RA). He did not think that a
woman does not have enough intelligence and is weak to
understand such a matter. He (pubh) proved that wife deserves
his best confidence and he (pubh) trusted his wife the most.
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