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We were talking about dealing amicably with
in-laws in the last chapter. Let us now move ahead.
Here we will talk about exchange of gifts
for which the Messenger of ALLAH (pubh) has emphasized a lot and
there are many of his traditions which tell us that “exchange
gifts because they increase love” and we should remember this.
This is a saying of the one who never uttered any thing
frivolous. Every saying is full of wisdom. Allah says in Qur’an
that “the Prophet (pubh) says what I want and he (pubh) never
adds anything by himself”. Exchanging gifts is not a small
thing, it wins hearts. Whenever you go on trips or come home
from a trip do carry some gifts for your family and in-laws, and
if you can afford, for your neighbors and friends too, however
do take care that the gifts must be identical, as non identical
can cause bad feelings. Gifts do not necessarily have to be
expensive. A gift is a gift and should be accepted.
We will now come to something which can be
basis of love or could cause a rift and that is borrowing or
lending things. Qur’an has guided us that, “doomed are the ones
who hoard possessions, do not take care of orphans, are lazy in
saying prayers and do not lend their things to others”. These
are significant directions from Allah and Qur’an has many a
reference to these. Women have to deal with this dilemma more
than the men. For example after marriage a bride is faced with
the dilemma of lending jewelry or dresses to their in-laws.
Lending your prized possessions requires a
big heart as people may lose these or at least there is risk of
losing, however if you think that you are doing it to follow
Allah’s command then you may do this happily and in this way
will make your place in people’s hearts as well as reward of
virtue from Allah. The person whose timely need you fulfill
will also be thankful to you. These days many women don’t want
to wear the same dress twice, at least in the similar gathering,
though this is extravagance. Lots of women exchange their
dresses and jewelry and this may be a prudent way. There is
also the matter of borrowing daily amenities such as salt, sugar
etc. This was more prevalent in old days, however it is less so
now. If somebody still needs this than the person is in dire
need and do give even if you don’t have it yourself in
sufficient quantities, as the person may be truly needy. This
way you will receive the reward of virtue and the needy person
may be thankful to you. The other thing that a person may want
to borrow is money, for this too it is advised that do lend it
without interest if you can, as usury is the underlying cause of
demise for humanity. The system these days is based on
benefiting from other’s difficulties for making money. Islam
shows the way out of this by introduction of lending without
interest. Help and greed can not exist together. If you can
help somebody with a little then do so, although some of it may
not be returned as many people have lost their ethics in this
regard. So only help with as much as you can afford to lose and
do not hide this lending from your husband. You must remember
that there are a lot of usurpers in the disguise of needy and
you must safeguard yourself from these people and do investigate
about them. In most cases you can help in kind instead of
cash. It was a common trick of con men to say that, I don’t
have money to travel, so please help me with some. In such
cases I used to tell the booking clerk to give a ticket to such
a person and I will pay for the ticket as I knew him, however
when I would go in the evening to pay for the ticket, to my
surprise, that person did not show up. Greed and contentment
are also matters for consideration. In the married life greed
is very harmful. Contentment is a virtue. I know a pious person
who would buy any new gadget that would come along for his
children whether he could afford it or not. Whenever I asked
him why he does that, his answer would be that children insist.
I told him that their greed may have no limit, what if they want
an airplane tomorrow? He would have no answer. Contentment is
a virtue that we must not forget.
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