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In the previous chapter we were discussing
about how a newly wed couple should take care of things.
Some of you might wonder why we turned to
ethics, character, behavior and customs from talk about Qur’an
and Sunnah? and also why are we talking about women only? The
answer to the first is that a human being has to take into
account all the available knowledge of human life. Allah says
“I have subjugated to you the whole universe”. For the
community and particularly for the Islamic community all this is
needed. Since the other religions are not necessarily meant to
be ways of life. However Qur’an has instructed us in every
way. We are supposed to utilize every way of learning within
the limits of Islamic teachings. For example we do not have to
use the old methods of travel such as horses, camels and
elephants, because if we do that we will laughed at, instead we
should utilize air travel and other modern means of travel.
Following the custom the bridegroom can ride the horse at his
wedding; however for a long travel this is not appropriate.
Traveling in remote areas where air travel or automobiles are
not suitable, we can still use the traditional means of travel
because in some of these areas this is the only way possible.
What I mean to say is that, things change
with time, and Islamic way is not a hindrance for this, rather
it directs us to benefit from modern facilities. For example
one of the religions professed that it is sacrilegious to enter
ocean, these days the followers of that religion are violating
their law by doing this. Islam has not given us such un-natural
directions because it is a natural religion.
As for as the second question is concerned,
I was writing about the men so far but since the focus of my
discussion was the mothers so I was talking about both husband
and wife. Later on I will bring the husband’s responsibilities
into my discussion.
Let us now come back to the subject we were
discussing and it was about which are the things that the wife
has to be careful about? Here we face another problem.
Sometimes as soon as you arrive at your parent’s home, the
in-laws pay you a visit. Here too you have to be very careful.
They come to visit you only because of their love for you and
not anything else. Give them your full attention lest they feel
neglected and they go back in disappointment. They will talk
about this to your husband when they come back to their own home
and will behave similarly to your relatives when they visit.
Here the tradition is that, “do unto others as you like to be
done to yourself” and if you make this a part of your
personality then you would come to realize that you have not
only won over your in-laws but also the rest of the world and
would develop a respectable place for yourself.
Now let us further our discussion. You
must have heard that the way to man’s heart is through his
stomach. Here too every one’s liking is individual. It is not
necessarily true that your husband or your in-laws will like
whatever you like to cook, so you will need to take their taste
in to consideration. Here you might feel hurt thinking that you
are such a good cook but your in-laws still find fault with your
cooking. Here you must not forget that they have developed a
taste through their mother or sister etc. Does not matter how
much tasty food you cook, but if they have not developed that
taste then they may not like it. You must try to take their
likings into consideration, within the teachings of Allah and
his prophet (PUBH). If this is not kept in mind from the
beginning or your elders do not take this into consideration and
check this out before marriage. For example whether the husband
is not careful about halal and haram, drinks or is a gambler
etc., and does not obey the Islamic laws. All this must be
ascertained before marriage. Allah says in Qur’an that “pious
women are for the pious men”, however by mistake if such a
marriage is consummated, then this situation needs to be
corrected strategically and you should keep your own piety.
Whenever you find an opportunity you must try to persuade him
for the change to the better. For example if a member of your
husband’s family is in difficulty, you can make him realize that
prayer can help and prayer is accepted only when one repents and
repenting should be for all times and not momentarily. Take
care that if you are pious yourself, do not look down upon
others; rather you should treat them with sympathy. May be that
Allah will show them the right direction through you. However
for this need you have to have mellowness rather than taunts and
stubbornness because these will cause only defensive reaction
and then even a good suggestion will not have a positive
effect. Each one of us is prone to accept rationality.
Everyone has rationality of ALLAH in their subconscious. As
Allah says, “every one is born with own nature and it is only
the parents who turn him into Christian or Jew”.
You can seek help of like-minded people in
your in-laws since there is always a mixture of good and bad
everywhere as we cannot imagine darkness without light. I
already have said this and I reiterate it here that, after Allah
and prophet (PUBH), you are asked to obey your husband. There
is no degradation for you in this; instead you are following
ALLAH's command in doing this. In this way you are earning
benefits which are both worldly and religious, because what ever
you do for the sake of Allah is considered as a prayer, and what
ever goes against it is a sin. Since you have been ordered to
obey the leader, so you need to maintain this perspective.
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